Brenton Surgenor is a registered counselor and psychotherapist accredited by the Australian Counselling Association (20760), the American Board of Sexology (24151), and the Psychotherapy Society of Hong Kong.
In his practice, he works with both individuals and couples, specializing in relationship and couples therapy. His focus is on helping people navigate the emotional challenges of intimacy, conflict, and repair.
How did you get into therapy and counseling? How did you end up focusing on relationships/couples specifically?
I’ve always been interested in how people relate to one another — how we connect, miscommunicate, and try to make things work. After spending years in academia teaching and researching wellbeing, I realized I wanted to work more directly with people. That led me to complete a Masters in Counseling at Monash University and shift my focus to therapy. I found myself drawn to couples work because so many personal challenges show up in our relationships.
When things aren’t working between partners, it affects everything else. Since then, I’ve trained in a range of relationship-focused approaches including the Gottman Method, PACT, Imago Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Schema Therapy for Couples, and systems-based models from the Ackerman and Tavistock Institutes. This gives me a broad toolkit to support couples in building stronger, more secure relationships.
Walk us through a typical session. How long is it? What does it consist of?
Couples sessions typically run for 85 minutes and are tailored to the needs of each relationship. Some couples come in for just a few sessions to gain clarity or pick up new tools, while others dealing with deeper or more complex issues may engage in longer-term therapy. I also offer intensive “marathon sessions” — six hours in a single day — for couples who want to make significant progress quickly, often around a specific issue or turning point.
In addition, I run relationship workshops where couples explore the patterns that shape their dynamic and learn practical strategies to take their relationship from good to great. Every couple is different, and the work reflects that. Whether it’s short-term support or more intensive intervention, the goal is always the same: to help partners build a secure, satisfying relationship that works for both of them.
How does your approach differ (or not) from other forms of counseling?
My approach is integrative and relational. I’m not just working with two individuals: I’m working with the space between them. That means I focus on interaction patterns, attachment styles, and the emotional choreography that plays out in moments of stress or disconnection.
I challenge couples to move beyond blame and defensiveness and toward mutual accountability and growth. This can be uncomfortable at times, but discomfort is often the doorway to transformation. I’m not here to take sides — I’m here to help the relationship thrive.
What are some of the most pervasive issues facing modern-day couples?
We live in a culture that prizes autonomy and instant gratification, which can make long-term commitment feel like an uphill climb. Couples today are navigating digital distractions, career pressures, parenting demands, and shifting cultural norms around gender and intimacy.
One of the biggest challenges I see is the tendency to treat relationships as disposable — when things get hard, we assume it’s broken beyond repair.
But often, what’s needed isn’t a new partner — it’s a new way of relating. Repair is possible, and in many cases, it’s the most courageous and rewarding path forward.
In Hong Kong and across Asia, another layer of complexity comes from navigating cross-cultural expectations, especially in multi-racial or expatriate relationships. Partners often bring different values around family, communication, and emotional expression, shaped by their cultural backgrounds.
In a city like Hong Kong, where East meets West and tradition meets modernity, these differences can either enrich a relationship or create tension if left unaddressed. My work draws on years of experience supporting couples from diverse cultural contexts, helping them bridge those gaps and build relationships that honor both individuality and shared meaning.
When is the right time to approach a therapist for one’s relationship?
The best time is before the wheels fall off. If you’re stuck in repetitive arguments, feeling emotionally distant, or struggling to communicate effectively, that’s your cue. Therapy isn’t just for crisis — it’s a form of relational maintenance.
Think of it like tuning a piano: you don’t wait until it’s completely out of tune to make adjustments. The earlier you intervene, the more options you have for repair.
You mention being able to differentiate between conflict and red flags. What are some examples of a resolvable conflict, versus a red flag?
Resolvable conflicts are often logistical or emotional misunderstandings — how money is managed, how parenting is approached, how intimacy is expressed. These can be worked through with better communication and mutual effort.
Red flags, on the other hand, involve patterns of emotional abuse, manipulation, chronic dishonesty, or control. These aren’t just bumps in the road — they’re signs that the relationship may be unsafe or unsustainable. Therapy can help clarify which is which, and what steps are needed to move forward.
Without playing into gender stereotypes, is there one issue that female clients might voice more often on their relationships, and is there one issue that male clients might voice more often?
In my experience, women often speak of feeling emotionally unseen or unheard, while men frequently express feeling criticized or not good enough. These aren’t universal truths, but they do reflect broader social conditioning. Women are often socialized to value emotional connection, while men are taught to suppress vulnerability. These scripts can clash in relationships, creating cycles of frustration and withdrawal. Therapy helps partners rewrite those scripts, together.
What are some final thoughts or advice you have?
Relationships aren’t meant to be perfect — they’re meant to be real. They’re messy, beautiful, and constantly evolving. They’re dynamic systems that require attention, adjustment, and sometimes intervention.
If things feel off, don’t wait until they unravel. Repair is possible, and often the most meaningful step you can take is choosing to engage rather than withdraw. Therapy isn’t about fixing your partner — it’s about understanding the system you’re both part of and learning how to show up differently within it.
Therapy doesn’t need to be long-term or overwhelming. For many couples, a short series of targeted sessions is enough to shift unhelpful patterns, gain clarity, and reconnect.
I also run weekend and one-day workshops for couples who want to take a deeper look at how they relate and learn practical tools to move their relationship from good to great.